On Car Living
As someone recently housed after a long period of time, I’ve lived in a lot of different places and ways. I’ve visited many AirBnBs, I’ve backpacked, and I’ve spent long, mildewy stretches living in the car. Having a permanent home is very nice, especially when someone that you love is there with you.
However, I’m back in the car right now, and it’s been a process readjusting: I find myself not wanting to be in it, which is the entire point. The car is a tool, it is uncomfortable. It is cramped. You spend all your time driving, and the time not spent driving is spent organizing. You are forced into the world, out of sheer necesity. The systems you build keep you barely ahead of the curve.
I’m running pretty lean this time. I only have a couple of totes, running and paddling gear. I don’t have to move that much stuff around to sleep. The REI Trailgate Cot was a game changer since the Forester doesn’t really let you lay flat: after countless nights folded into an L in the back of the car, I had to do something. The back of the passenger-side rear seat is permanently concave from my hip pressed into it. You get used to it.
Sleeping in the car becomes a symptom of living in the car, which means its just another system. Finding a spot to park it, going to bed early and getting ready means you spend a lot of time just hanging out in the back. When it’s just getting dark and you have no place to be, you end up doing a lot of reflection: What am I doing? Shouldn’t I be spending my time more wisely? Shouldn’t I have made this or that decision? Am I happy doing this? Am I happy with my behavior? with who I am?
Personally these are all questions that don’t come up when I’m at home, with a good routine, healthy and content. I’m comfortable and I don’t spend any time dwelling on my situation. The situation at home is great, the one in the car is an explicit trade-off to try and do things I really care about. The car is a mostly tolerable misery.
All this to say: Force yourself into the car. Make the trade-off. Gamble your time and comfort on trying to do something cool. If you screw it up and end up with no plans, no place to stay, no one to see and nowhere to go until tomorrow: Then you’ve done it right. It’s increasingly difficult to put yourself into this scenario in a world of instant gratification and quick comfort. Grapple with uncertainty and fear.
I’ve wanted to write something about this for a long time, but never made it happen. Here are my notes from 2022 that I felt were important. I lived for a few weeks through the I70 corridor, skiing and sleeping where I could. At one point I saw -10F on my car’s thermometer. It was rather difficult.
“Things I miss about having a real bed and home”:
- Warmth
- Water, it becomes finite
- Easier to workout
- Only the foods I want frozen are frozen
- A flat bed
- It’s harder to distract myself
- A pinecone hit the roof last night and woke me up, I thought I was being invaded.
